I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
