Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
