I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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