Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
