He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
