This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
A+ Viking dick
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