im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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