I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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