guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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