i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
