if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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