where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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