i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
