goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
