i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
