nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
