Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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