I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
