i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
