The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
