It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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