i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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