you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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