and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
