is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
