Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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