Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
