The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
