why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
