According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
