It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
