nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
