I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im holly from the hills drunk
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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