In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
do nipples grow back?
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