Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
