Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
