ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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