Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
