Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's blow job season.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
