she was so not down for the gang bang
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize