This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
