im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
