Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
