Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
