Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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