I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
