So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
