I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
