Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
