The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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