part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
