cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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