How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
