Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
