On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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