i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
