I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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