Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
