Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
