This is not my ceiling
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
