Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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