Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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