We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
