are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
