i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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