when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
